But are you really going to leave Egypt without seeing the pyramids?
Although you already know it, it never ceases to amaze you.: the pyramids are not in the middle of the desert, but rather spring from a Cairo suburb. They appear out of nowhere while driving down a road varnished with pollution, shady buildings and swirling debris on the roadsides. then ooooh! ¡Ahhh! between the brick floors you see the tip of a pyramid, flashy and haunting like a fin in the water. Without transition you are facing more than 3.000 years of history, immersed in a recognizable and familiar past, as if the Ministry of Tourism had decided to build the replica of a perfect Egyptian still life to prove disappointments. not missing a detail: the meager but recognizable desert, the perfect symmetry of the three pyramids, arranged like matryoshkas and the sphinx in front, lying at his feet like a Doberman... Despite my initial reluctance, I have to admit that everything is in order, the only thing missing is Cleopatra lying on a dune and looking at you with dreamy eyes while holding one of those signs with your name that they welcome you with at airports.
There is something strange about going to see the new (old) Wonders of the World: Machu Picchu, el Taj Majhal, the statue of Liberty, the Santiago Bernabéu… We have such a clear idea of how they should be, We have seen so many images... that one arrives and the first thing that comes out is to start comparing if they are different from what they appear on TV. Something similar to what would happen if one day by chance we met Scarlett Johanson or Timothy Chalamet and they seemed like an acceptable replica of our delusions., an almost exact replica, except that, without knowing why, they knew us little, as if we saw them a bit shorter, badly shaven or big heads and, Far from looking at anything else, we only had eyes for that mole full of hair or those almost imperceptible spots that would have appeared on their cheeks. Those damn stains that make us want to return them and make a very strong complaint on Tripadvisor. I'm still gauging if I should be disappointed when an army of tour guides offer to show me how to visit Scarlett properly..
I'm still gauging if I should be disappointed when an army of tour guides offer to show me how to visit Scarlett properly.
We are not here just to play the Indiana Jones, we also do foreigner things like everyone else. After all the holidays are over, we are tired and nostalgic and everything is the same to us. You have to give the trip what is from the trip and Instagram what is from Instagram. Am I really going to leave Egypt without seeing the pyramids?? My guide says that his real name is Mohamed but that everyone calls him "Rambo" and that the best thing is going to be that we visit the pyramids on horseback, the complex is big and i could get a sunstroke or a stroke if i decide to explore it by myself and without spending a lot of money. So we get on two pencos that want to die more than anything else and we start the road in the direction of Micerinos riding between dunes with the texture of a concrete mixer. Shortly after, we come across a traveling circus that returns from its visit: dozens of Germans and English on camels or on horseback, smeared with protective cream. While their guides drag them along the halter, they take the opportunity to selfies in which they appear with ecstasy filters circumstances, depression or euphoria depending on the case.
Rambo has it all figured out, we may have 10 minutes of peace and we must take advantage of them, so we spurred and indeed, We enjoy 200 meters of solitude approaching the pyramids from behind. Almost 10 minutes that are enough to make you feel Lawrence of Arabia and get rid of stupid complexes for being a tourist. My guide does not offer me many cultural or architectural explanations about the complex, no need to do, he knows what his clients are looking for and is willing to give it to them whether they like it or not. leave me your mobile! he says as he gets off the horse and tells me to do the same. Rambo has it all studied: I have to lean to one side to look like I'm leaning on a pyramid, place the palm of the hand until it almost disappears, jump with your heels far back as he lies on the ground, grab a boulder until it looks huge as if it were Samson holding the temple of the philistines… we fulfill the entire photographic repertoire while Rambo demonstrates an enviable mastery of framing perspective and the spiritual needs of modern man in the digital age. Every once in a while he asks me to smile and goes out of his way to take advantage of me with the slightly condescending patience with which a photographer would treat a particularly capricious model.. The man does not plan to give up easily and announces that today is my lucky day., a friend of his is there and he is going to offer me a special and extraordinary “experience”. He points to the right where a smiling Bedouin walks swaying on the back of a camel. Then Rambo tells me: If you are happy, make me happy later!
Then Rambo tells me: If you are happy, make me happy later!
My protests don't matter, the Bedouin pretends not to understand and asks me to take a picture of him, then in exchange he offers to do it for me (these days everything is traded in images). I pose next to his camel that, as informed me, se llama Charlie Brown. Without really knowing how a minute later I have his turban on my head and I'm on the back of the animal taking a little walk and repeating the photo shoot I've already done on foot. Going through family albums Chaliebrown and I appear with a similar expression, I, with a somber expression enjoying the experience and he, that, I must say, behaves with exquisite professionalism, with the look you would have if at ten in the morning you were forced to carry the fourth idiot of the day. A crowd of Egyptian schoolchildren point at us and take photos of us in turn. Some of them even ask me to smile.
When I put my feet on the ground, the three of us got together and checked the photos. Rambo is especially pleased with the result and repeats If you are happy!, make me happy! I am happy because in the end I have not left Egypt without seeing the pyramids, so we all feel better and better and we want to hug each other. After the payment they want me to stay to witness the nightly sound and light show that they project every night on the pyramids. I tell him that I would love to stay longer but that I have a flight to catch..
Leaving the premises I turn for the last time, the truth is that I have to admit that Scarlett Johanson is gorgeous but it makes me angry to tell her. Besides, she already knows because everyone already tells her.. That's why he doesn't take it into account and I would swear he even winks at me when he says goodbye while whispering:
“¿Ves? I'm so much taller than on TV?”.
